On the Sixth Day God Created Testosterone
If God created me, my body, and my mind, then He created all the sexual passion that’s rushing through me. Don’t tell me it’s a curse, of the devil, or something I’ve just got to “get over”. There’s a reason for it, and I think every guy would do well to find out just why God left him with this raging fire inside. Why the testosterone?
It’s in vogue to be a modern, sensitive kind of guy these days, but I think it’s a little bit contrary to how we’re cut out. That testosterone is the stuff that gives men the strange characteristics that make men … well men!
Testosterone, The Secret Ingredient of Male Creativity
Men are risk-takers, love danger, and more often than not, ignore pain. Testosterone is what makes us aggressive both in business and in bed. It’s what gives us the ability to persuade someone into a big buck contract as well as persuade our dear wives to make love on the beach under the stars. Risk and conquest. Danger and innovation.
Really, it’s the guy that needs to keep the passion ablaze in a marriage because it’s his God-given, male, sexual aggression that captures the softer, safer sexual nature of women. Men are physically created for aggression: his penis gives and takes control while her vagina receives and submits to his love. Knowing that makes us confident in our role. Passivity and the modern, sensitive, caring guy isn’t always the best way. Kindness is always right, but a sexually passive guy lets sexuality die.
In the same way, it’s the man who recreates the sexual relationship in a couple. Just like the creative side of a woman creates and recreates a home, the guy keeps sex interesting. Think of it — you bring home a new sex toy and she looks at you cross-eyed. “You want me to do what?” Hey dude, don’t be dissuaded. It’s your God-given role in the sexual relationship! Paint the picture bigger, bolder, and better! She’ll love it. Give it time.
Photo by Davide Cantelli on Unsplash
Hi Jacob,
Thanks very much for your post. You’re right. Fear is a huge barrier in a guy’s relationship with his wife, in his relationship with himself (imagine that — being self-conscious in your own presence!) and with God. I think what you said “afraid to tell the other partner” is so true, but I’d go a couple steps further than that. I think we’re afraid to be known for fear that we’ll either not be accepted as we are or worse, be criticized in some way. It’s really why sex with one partner is the best way. You can only invest trust in one person in this way. Investing intimate trust in many is really tough. When you’re naked with someone and doing something as incredibly personal and revealing of who you are as your sexuality, you risk a whole lot — and you have a lot to give and to gain. And when you’re affirmed nude and during sex — wow! It does fantastic things for you. When your wife says, “You’re a hunk in my book!” or “I love it when you do that!”, it’s great for your self-image, your relationship with her and you feel God loving you. And heart-felt, honest affirmation for her, builds her self-image, your relationship and gives you a beautiful feeling for having affirmed your beloved.
As you said, the same really applies to solo sex. If masturbation is done in a self-affirming way, rather than motivated out of boredom or loneliness, it builds a guy’s self-image and even an acknowledgment of God’s love and amazing gift of sexuality.
Thanks again Jacob. Write more! You say great stuff.
For OG,
Sean
Very very true indeed, but the problem is before a person can really reach their true potential and sexual happiness they have to be secure and confident with themselves and let go of their fears. IN an average couple, one partner is afraid to tell the other partner how they really feel – what they really want, or what they’d really like done to them.
If a person can let go of fear, they can have the most incredible sex life ever – that never gets boring…even if they’re having sex with themselves.
Hey E.! Thanks for your post.
You make some really good points. I like your comment that if we don’t use our yang energy, then we become passive — even spiritually dead. There’s a subject that needs more writing. It’s back to the old “use it or lose it” — and women, by nature, are designed to want men to use it. And E. you are bold — I love it. You use the word “penetration”. Think of it. Two become one; a union; by a man who knows and shows that he desires his wife. Great post E. Thanks!
Sean
Sean, yes this is very true! And a good reminder. I’ve been feeling rather passive and depleted of sexual drive lately, so I offer the following comments as a pep talk to myself!
I like what you say about the man taking the active, risk-taking role. If we agree with many of the ancients, then women are primarily yin, while men are primarily yang. Women have a beautiful, receptive and embracing energy, like the soft and rich soil of the earth. And men, by design, have a more penetrating and fiery energy which has the power to impassion and embolden. By failing to exercise our God-given yang energy, then we men will become emotionally passive and empty—even spiritually deadened. Of course, there are many ways a man can exercise his yang—taking bold initiatives, living proactively, embarking on creative endeavors, moving forward in his journey—all these are ways of priming the pump and keeping his flow of yang healthy. But for couples, sex and the interchange of orgasmic energy is certainly one of the vital (and arguably one of the most enjoyable) ways for a man to exercise his yang and for a woman to be emotionally nourished as she consumes it with her yin. When we are coupled to a partner for life, then we function like an organic unit, and it requires a lot of nourishment to survive. Sex can be a powerful source of fertilization for a relationship. And no doubt testosterone is one of the key fuels for this fertilization. So we need to keep it alive and well! Exercise, good nutrition, adequate sleep, healthy mitigation of stress, and a basic proactive lifestyle will do a lot to keep our stores of testosterone healthy. But nothing builds up the supply of testosterone like passionate sex itself. Of course, if we simply wait for it to happen, it won’t. So we men should not be afraid to encourage our sexual thoughts and desires in a healthy way and proactively direct them toward our loved one. As you say, we should be risk-takers. Too often we hold back (thinking we are being considerate) and simply wait for the mood to hit.
This boldness and risk-taking also needs to go beyond the simple initiating of sex. I was reading somewhere (can’t remember where, but it was basically a passionate complaint from women) about the tendency for some men to limit their sexual repertoire to the passive style of lying on the back while the woman takes the active role on top. Of course this can be very enjoyable, but not if it’s the only way. The woman writing the comment basically emphasized how much women desire and long to be penetrated by an active man. And it’s not just the act of penetration, but the take-control attitude where the man knows what turns her on, takes things into his own hands, and ravages her with pleasure. I’ve read elsewhere that women are very attracted to the so-called alpha male—the male who is kind and considerate, but strong, confident and active. Males who can’t make up their minds, or wait for the woman to take the initiative in decisions, have a decidedly unattractive aura. Women who live with such passivity will certainly feel a lack of passion and may begin wishing or fantasizing they were with someone else—someone of the alpha male variety. Even if they don’t have such wishes or fantasies, they will know that something is missing in their lives, and they will begin to emotionally withdraw. As so will the men. I believe that physical impotence in a male has a very direct corollary with emotional and volitional impotence. The old adage is true: if you don’t use it, you lose it. So here’s to testosterone!