Male Sex Drive: 9 Myths Busted

Male sex drive is simple, right? A sexy thought. A hard-on. Action. Relief. Pause-two-three. Ready. Sexy thought. Hard-on… 9 male sex myths busted!

Like a naked rifle squad, we think of guy sex drive as little more than a hard-on, a convenient target, and the relief of a well-aimed load. Confusing everyone and their simplistic rhetoric is that damned male erection flashing like a neon sign in front of a Reno casino shouting that a sex-starved guy is in and ready for action. He only wants a “little relief”. While we love our erections and a nice sticky ejaculation, they aren’t all there is to male sex drive.

Sex for guys isn’t so simplistic and ready-aim-fire as pathetically shallow magazine writers want you to think. Stand male sex drive up against female sex drive and ours is just as mysterious, just as relational, even more confusing but wonderfully endless boasting layers upon layers of sexual possibilities.

Here are nine male sex drive myths busted once and for all

1. If his penis is not hard, he’s not happy.

Geeze. Shake that thought right away. A guy’s cock — furled, half-mast, or flying high — is no certain indication of his sexual arousal. Lots of guys rise and fall again and again during sex play. If his erection has waned, it’s absolutely no indication that his arousal or interest in making love has waned with it. Especially when a guy is focusing on his partner’s pleasure, his penis will take that opportunity to have a rest.

2. An erection is a sure sign that a guy is in need of relief.

An erection simply means a guy’s penis is hard. Maybe he’s aroused. Maybe he’s nervous or a little bit self-conscious — that’s sure to make his manhood wax gibbous. Erections naturally occur for lots of reasons. Men can have many erections as they sleep and guys often awake with an erection every morning. Does he need relief? The question is irrelevant. Maybe he wants sex, but the erection doesn’t indicate that. Sex myth busted.

3. Ejaculation is the main objective of sex play.

Let’s keep the main thing the main thing and ejaculation isn’t the main thing. Granted, a lot of us think orgasm with ejaculation is the objective of sex because we’re conditioned to think of ejaculation as marking the end of sex play. Honestly, if a guy believed that sex truly was play, the sexual playground with our sexual playmates could involve lots of emotional connection, fantasy, and probing of bodies, and genitals. Coming doesn’t mean it’s time to go. It means that was fun, and… um… let’s play some more.

4. A hard-on is a sure sign of a sexy thought.

We’re not naked nearly enough around our sexual partners or anyone for that matter. Guys freak if they get a hard-on at the beach, pool, or oh my gosh, in the shower at the gym. A guy’s hard cock is horribly misunderstood — “Is that a pickle in your pocket?” or worse, “Shit, do you want to fuck me?” Well maybe, but my cock is hard because I just got out of bed, or I was just enjoying a wank session, or I might be aroused by you, but seriously, I don’t act on every sexual thought, and I do exercise mature self-restraint. Let’s just call it what it is, OK? A hard cock. Sex myth busted.

5. Guys want sex all the time.

OK. Maybe this isn’t a myth. But it doesn’t necessarily follow that sex needs to be merely a sequential road to intercourse — at least not all the time. It’s hard for some folk to believe, but guys really do want to relate deeply with their lovers and they want to relate very sexually. That means they want physical touch, visual beauty, sensual play, shared fantasy, emotional entanglement, and intellectual intercourse. That’s right — a mind fuck. It doesn’t seem that way, because our sex manuals give us all this step-by-step crap. Toss those books. Yep. Guys want sex all the time. But, more sex than you think. Sorry, no myth here.

6. A guy only masturbates when he’s lost interest in his partner.

Get real. Where did this stuff come from that when a guy strokes his cock, alarms go off that he’s not interested in his partner? No, it means he’s fully present and comfortable in his own body. It means he has become responsible for his own sexuality and doesn’t live in a sexual diaper. The more loving and sensual guys touch themselves the more sensual they’re going to be with a partner. Guys wank when they’re not having partner sex and guys wank when they are having partner sex. It’s time we stop vilifying masturbation and restraining it with justifying guidelines. “It’s OK if you’re on a business trip and your partner gives you permission.” That’s terrible. Masturbation is what guys do. Sex myth busted.

7. If you arouse me, you’d better finish the job.

A lot of guys used to say this. It makes sex more of an event than a medium of emotional and physical engagement in which to cultivate a shared life and a sensuous relationship. Sure, arouse me over and over again. Guys wanted the job finished because they knew that sex was confined to seven minutes when their dog tired and they had to get up in six hours, and sex isn’t likely to happen again for at least another week. Male sex drive isn’t a chore to be checked off a list, but a rampant lust to join body and spirit deeper than marrow. Arouse me again. Sex myth busted.

8. Sexual relief is more important than a partner’s interest.

Guys want their partner to want sex. Sex merely to do the deed and find relief is like a party without people or a toy without a child. A male sex drive mourns when it’s not fun with someone fun. It doesn’t want to be thought selfish and certainly doesn’t want to be an imposition on a disinterested sex partner. When the interest is gone, the male drive wants to refresh the romance. It wants stupid sex games again to discover the pleasure in sex. It wants to flee the fun-killing routine of obligation.

9. A guy who finds guys attractive is gay.

Maybe. I suppose most gay guys find some guys to be a turn-on. Cool. I don’t think this is a news flash, though, that we need to lose the polarization of gender, sexual orientation, and attraction. Attraction is much more tangled than we think it ought to be. Here’s an example of what I’m talking about. Straight guy porn almost always features penises as well as sexy gals. Straight porn sports hard cocks spewing their spunk to delight the male sex drive. All of us, straight and gay, like penises. Guys’ ancient attraction to a phallus doesn’t signal sexual orientation at all. All orientations are in the same boat on this one. We’re all the same. Curiously, the only players in the sex game that are not impressed by our hot phallus are straight gals!

—Photos themonnie/Flickr