A Student of Messy Sexuality

To whom did someone give the task of tidying up sexuality? Schools tried it. Churches tried it. Legislators tried it. Zillions of authors tried it. Prudish mothers tried it.

It can’t be done.

Thank God.

Sex Is Messy … In Every Way

I think I’ve finally concluded that sexuality is messy just like the rest of life, love, God, and friends.

My partner and I read a best-selling book when we first got married that outlined procedures for God-fearing young married couples who want to have sex. What a laugh! It was like a systematic theology of sexuality. Thousands and thousands of young marrieds bought the book and I shudder to think today how stifled their sex lives became and how small their thinking might be to allow their sexuality to grow.

Learn from the messy sexual master. Sex is a tangle and for good reason. Sex is beautiful and terrible. It’s pleasurable and you get beat up.

When I realized that my spiritual life was a mess — and that it should be a mess — I became more in love with God than ever before. It’s discomfort that spurs a man to change things, to find a way to make his life better, to create something new.

Sex is no different. The sexual passion that lovers have for one another will and should cause discomfort from time to time. It’s only this that drives us to creative ways to grow and drill the passion deeper.

Wade through the tangled mess of your sex life and see if there isn’t some beauty in all that mess. Sure it itches and stings, but hey, at least you know you have the freedom to work with it.