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To whom did someone give the task of tidying up sexuality? Schools tried it. Churches tried it. Legislators tried it. Zillions of authors tried it. Prudish mothers tried it.
 It can’t be done.
Thank God.
I think I’ve finally concluded that sexuality is messy just like the rest of life, love, God and friends.
My wife and I read a best-selling book when we first got married that outlined procedures for God-fearing young married couples who want to have sex. What a laugh! It was like a systematic theology of sexuality. Thousands and thousands of young marrieds bought the book and I shudder to think today how stifled their sex lives became and how small their thinking might be to allow their sexuality to grow.
Learn from the messy sexual master. Sex is a tangle and for good reason. Sex is beautiful and terrible. It’s pleasurable and you get beat up.
When I realized that my spiritual life was a mess — and that it should be a mess — I became more in love with God than ever before. It’s discomfort that spurs a man to change things, to find a way to make his life better, to create something new.
Sex is no different. The sexual passion that lovers have for one another will and should cause discomfort from time to time. It’s only this that drives us to creative ways to grow and drill the passion deeper.
Wade through the tangled mess of your sex life and see if there isn’t some beauty in all that mess. Sure it itches and stings, but hey, at least you know you have the freedom to work with it.
With every new destination comes a decision to marry it or room with it. We moved to a new home and new neighborhood this past weekend. I decided to marry this one.
Seriously, it’s like that for me. The first days in our new home have been a honeymoon of making love, getting to know one another and risking bits of our past to see if the new home can be trusted. It’s only a few days, but so far this one is off to a good start.
 Our last home wasn’t like that. I didn’t fall in love. I only roomed. It was a move of survival, not of intention and maybe I resented not being able to choose. This is different. We’re here because we want to be. We want a new start. A clean canvas. We have dreams and projects. We need dreams and projects.
I rode my bicycle to my office today. I hope it will be the first of a lot of rides. I feel as though I’m connected to this neighborhood. It has history. Famous writers. Fortunes were made here. Politics, crime and drama unfolded here over one-hundred fifty years.
As I worked out this move with my wife and family, I realized that for a guy, sexuality is more than just relating to people, but it has a strong role in relating to a place. Where we are is as important to how we thrive as much as who we’re with.
I don’t have a man room. I don’t even have a garage. I do, however have five coffee shops, a used bookstore and live music within a five-minute walk. I won’t be crafting furniture or overhauling engines, but I will for sure be tinkering with ideas about guy sex.
Excuse me while I return to my honeymoon.
Till next time.
When you talk about sex and church in the same sentence, for most folks, hairs go up on the back of their necks.
Heck, it does for me, too.
In our North American culture, sex and church go together like water and oil. Merlot and fish. Obama and Palin. S&M and Every Man’s Battle.
In the recent years of my sexual recovery I grew wary of any kind of sexual reference in church simply because I came to believe that God is the author of my sexuality and it’s a huge part of my spiritual expression. My church sanctuary ears came to expect sex to be either vilified as the source of evil or sidelined as irrelevant in the life of the sanctified.
Until Valentines Day.
I knew this church was different when I saw the text in the bulletin listed as the Song of Songs. It’s daring as most preachers feel the need to peg the writing as symbolic and then explain it’s meaning — way more work than any theologian wants to do before roast beef on a Sunday.
Then the pastor read the text from Song of Songs — slow and expressive called it — erotic poetry.
My ears perked. My jaw dropped.
After the reading the pastor called it “delicious”.
I leaned in. I wanted to hear more.
I took in every word of a straight shooting message of love, sex and the mystery of God.
I loved worshiping with a group where sexuality wasn’t stripped of its essence. I heard words like touch, messy, bodies and mystery. I loved wrestling with this raucous thing of love and sex in the huge context of God, creation and man.
And I especially loved grinning at the irony of being horny on Sunday morning and anxious to worship at church.
I’ve had days when I’ve come home and what I was counting on to comfort me wasn’t there — a cold beer, a nap on the couch, twenty minutes to stroke. Life is full of mild disappointments. You get over it. You learn to prepare better or just learn to cope.
The stakes are miles higher when sexual expression and meaningful pleasure is just beyond your reach and it seems like destiny may never provide the mysterious sexual language that feeds your soul.
ED ranks up there among life’s most daunting crisis. A young guy will do almost anything consumed by the desire for sexual expression and fulfillment. But when your erection slips through your fingers so to speak, you’ll do anything to get it back.
You wake up one morning and something isn’t right. Your faithful even sometimes annoying erection has now chosen to be elusive and leaves you in an anguishing lurch. Or the dilema arrives via a physician’s diagnosis and a common side-effect of your treatment is that your penis may need to learn new tricks.
It’s anything but a circus act. Most guys simply roll under a private cloke of shame and struggle to get what they can back but never find the comfort of self-revealing connection with another who understands their ED the way they do. A physician, counselor, friend, even a supportive wife isn’t the same as that other who feels and stuggles like you do.
 Franktalk.org is just that other. It’s way more than an informational webpage. It’s an online community of guys with a common goal of struggling to redefine their male sexuality in the throes of ED. Every guy’s journey is different but they all intersect at one place — each guy longs in his soul to tell other guys his personal story, and each longs to know what other guys do — personally speaking.
I’m proud that the creator of Franktalk.org is my friend. We live half a continent apart, are insane penpals and I think charter members of our own mutual admiration society. If you know me, I don’t mind that.
Believe me, Franktalk.org is rare. On Franktalk.org you’ll find no medical advice, but personal, graphic and often emotional dialog about sexual sensual rediscovery. Healing happens. Guts are spilled. Male sexual ideas uncovered. And hope cultivated.
Pay a visit whether you are on your own journey or not. If you’re not, you’ll get enlightened. Sexuality takes on new value. If you are on a journey of ED recovery, you’ll find yourself surprisingly at home in your own neighborhood of FrankTalk.org.
I was hovering over a post on my Google desktop and I noticed this mishmash of spam gunk coming from the title of my last gorgeous Rhythm post. What the heck?
 Here I am launching a new book, making a lot of changes and now this? Spam in my site? A little reading brought to light the fact that my situation was not all that unusual. Tons of sites have been hacked with this same RSS feed problem. Code is placed in your SQL database, in your theme files, wp_config file and even in the spam plug in folder.
My only choice was to completely tear out the blog, find a new theme and re-upload the whole thing.
Very timely, I think. This way I get a fresh new look with new blogging features and a fresh start. I’ll be making the blog look way more Orgasmic Guy in the coming days.
And do check out my new book! What Guys Do.
Cheers!
I love it when performing musicians want you to clap in rhythm with the music. I’m the guy that’s clapping on the off beat or even worse not on any beat. I work at it for a few seconds and I finally get in sync with everyone else.
If there’s anything I’ve consistently struggled to do it’s find my stride in living — get some kind of rhythm. Oh, it would be nice.
It would be nice if the rhythm felt good. I think I fight the way I’m hard-wired which is to be out of sync with those around me. Yeah. Contrary. Usually not to be obstinate, but just because I see things differently. I am, in the end, cooperative.
Maybe, though, for me out of sync in some ways is good so that at least someone sees those other perspectives and can draw attention to beauty and ideas which otherwise might be missed? It’s tiring, though. I don’t sleep a lot.
But here’s there’s also a rhythm of the soul which I think is important for each of us. It’s reflected in our sex, in our worship.
A praying man rocks. A worshipping man dances or sings because his soul longs for sync with God.
As I wrote the book about masturbation this past year, I saw how deeply rhythm runs in a guy. Not only do all kinds sexual stimulation find rhythmic patterns but our bodies and souls catch the beat: breath, heart beat, orgasmic waves, body pulsations, and rushes of semen all in a sort of sync with orchestral sexual energy.
What’s beautiful is when you can couple your rhythm with your lover’s rhythm and your bodies and souls find their stride together. When this happens, you know. You just know, and you feel you’ve grown as a man and you feel like you’re part of something bigger than you or even the two of you.
You need to pay attention to your rhythm. Like me clapping to the music, when it’s off, it’s really off, but in a few seconds you get it. All aspects of soul need to find their rhythm — writing in your journal in the morning; a quiet walk in the evening; time in meditation or prayer; and sexual hours strumming the rhythmic strings of your soul.
 I’m pleased to say that after nine months of sometimes unrhythmic labor of my soul, I’ve uploaded my latest book. What Guys Do: 101 Male Masturbation Techniques I think is beautiful. It’s loaded with fantastic solo sex ideas and techniques, articles to help you find your stride in self-pleasure as well as some great photography. Click here! pick one up for yourself or your lover and enjoy!
It was my dad’s motto any time he had opportunity to teach me about anything to do with wood. I use the same wisdom in most areas of life — Caution when doing anything permanent. So, any talk about measuring or cutting with regard to my penis tends to give me wildly conflicting emotions. Get the picture?
Sure, I’m talking about circumcision. I’d never intended to broach that subject on Orgasmic Guy, but when I read RollingDoughnut’s comment the other day, it occurred to me that this, too is societal sexual repression. First, Tony at RollingDoughnut says,
Genital mutilation — of males and females — began in America as a method to prevent masturbation, among many grand claims by its advocates.
That is likely mostly true. Tony argues that any kind of infant change of genitalia is attempt to control sexuality. And, I’d say that is also essentially true. There are as many reasons we in America pose for male circumcision. Among them, HIV control, ease in cleaning the penis, appearance, sensitivity, because they did it in the Bible, etc.
Most of those reasons are pretty lame. The real reason we circumcise is to make our boys look and feel the way we’ve learned from our society to be “right”.
Why, I wonder, would an uncut penis be “wrong”? I wonder why my parents thought that and I wonder why I thought that when our boys were born.
Then a thought occurred to me.
When our boys were born and we decided to have them circumcised, the most compelling reason was to that they would look like me. It seems to be a really strange reason, but it’s not so strange because I suspect that, like me, most American’s had not actually seen an uncircumcised penis — close up, that is. Again, that sounds really strange, but at that time I had never seen a live uncut penis. I doubt my parents had either. Now, a few years later, the decision to not circumcise boys is more common.
And that, I think, is the reason circumcision is such a controversy. A cut penis is considered American and what we know. It’s a moral issue for some reflecting a mark self-righteousness. For others a cut penis is a religious issue identifying with children of Israel who circumcised their men and boys to mark an agreement with God. Maybe, a circumcised penis makes a boy more likely to become a godly man? An uncut penis on the other hand is considered to belong to others who are not from among us.
A dramatic symptom of ethnocentrism is to hold in disdain those things with which you are not familiar. Foods, dress, smells, sounds and ideas all cause sheltered Americans to recoil with fear and judgment. An uncut penis is no different. It compels those ignorant of cultures other than their own to change it to something familiar and, safe. Clearly, it was my motivation.
I’d think differently were I to be making the decision now. I don’t regret being circumcised myself or that my boys are. It’s what we are. What I think is regrettable is that decisions of circumcision are almost always made for another. And there is the place where sexual repression occurs. The controlling tide of our society continues because of our sexual and cultural fear.
There was another thing my dad said regarding woodwork. It was a joke.
I cut it off twice and it’s still too short!
If we continue to cut boys’ penises simply to make them like all the rest of us, the sexual maturity of our western culture will remain sadly … short.
After about nine months of work, I’ve had my baby! Thank you! Thank you! We’ve named him Orgasmic Guy: Unleash the Truth of Male Sexuality! It’s a long name, I know, but after this much work and agony, this kid deserves a long name.
Orgasmic Guy: Unleash is an eBook full of great stuff that will literally liberate your sexuality:
- If you find yourself stuck in a rut because of strange attitudes you endured as a child or young guy, this book will break you free.
- If you’re in a religious environment that takes a position of don’t do this, don’t do that rather than helping you grow in your sexuality, then This book is for you!
- It’s time to grow sexually and reorient your sexuality with the rest of your life! Is it possible that your sexuality is only a small piece of your life’s pie? Read Orgasmic Guy: Unleash!
- If your sex life in your marriage has gone even a little cool, this book will help you!
- If you are single, thinking about getting married or, never want to get married, you are a sexual guy and this book is for you!
- If you want to enlarge, deepen, and intensify your orgasm, this book is undoubtedly for you!
Guys, enjoy the book. Take advantage of my introductory promo right now. I promise you’ll be glad you did. You’re sexual life will never be the same. Click here for Orgasmic Guy: Unleash the Hidden Truth of Male Sexuality!
Peace!
Sean
She’s gonna blow! could be said about a lot of things: volcano, dynamite in a mineshaft, a pregnant woman. And speaking of a pregnant woman, I think I can relate more now than when we (my wife, really!) bore our boys. Nine months of anticipation, deep gratitude, fear of failure, disorientation and feeling fat is more than I thought I could endure. A book is like a baby. You don’t do a lot of other things. Every direction you turn reminds you of the stack of notebooks and file full of incomplete sometimes incoherent chapters. Everything anyone says reminds you of an idea you’ve been turning over and over like a pork roast that won’t get done. Everything you see could possibly be the illustration you were looking for.
Guys, I’m fully effaced, about nine centimeters and contractions are really really close. Yep, Orgasmic Guy e-Book is on it’s way in just a few days. I’m totally happy with how it’s turned out and I know you’ll like it.
It’s about sex: guy sex. You know, sex, but only from a guy perspective. It’s a break-away book that tears our boat of guy sex from the piers that held us captive. It’s a book of liberation, straight up talk, and tell it like it is honesty.
- I talk about what it is in our culture that makes us so burdened with guilt and shame about our guy sexuality and how to liberate from it.
- How to bury the dead horse of debate on masturbation and tell it like it is.
- Sexual listening and what it will do for intercourse, masturbation, and your spiritual life.
- Why religion and sex are so at odds with one another and how to make peace.
- Orgasm when you want as long as you want.
- How God is way more affirming of guy sexuality than you think and how to acknowledge him as part of your sexuality.
- Solo sex.
- End of the myth that sex is best for the young. How to care sexually.
Watch for the book! Jot me a note if you want me to let you know when it’s ready. Write me here.
Sean
Sometimes when I’m surfing the web I wonder who else is visiting these sites and what they’re looking for. Do you ever think like that? Probably. But you’d be surprised how many guys are searching the web using the exact same keywords that you are.
I’m not a stat junkie, but occasionally on my sites, I find it not only interesting but helpful to find out who is visiting, which pages they’re reading and how they got to the site.
Most Orgasmic Guy visitors right now are interested in masturbation tips or masturbation techniques. I find it interesting how many guys misspell masturbation. They spell it maturbation. I’ve of course misspelled it once in the meta-tags and also on a page so the search engines will find it. Apparently I’ve done a good job of that since Orgasmic Guy is pretty highly ranked for those searches.
Other guys are looking for “male orgasm” and various configurations of that. I get the impression that guys are looking for a more meaningful orgasm. It sounds a bit like they’re tired of just getting off.
Thirdly, a lot of guys are looking for the articles on male sexuality and various configurations of those keywords. Orgasmic Guy isn’t the highest ranked on all search engines for these words even though it’s our main keyword. We’re still getting plenty of traffic for “male sexuality” and for that I’m grateful. I’ll write lots more on male sexuality. It’ll be a long time before we exhaust that topic.
Also, it seems Orgasmic Guy has either been around long enough to leave an impression of the name in people’s minds or “orgasmic guy” is a good search term. I’m leaning toward the former because I don’t recall people using that as a keyword in the beginning.
The last interesting observation is that Orgasmic Guy gets a lot of searches using the word “guy” rather than male or men. It’s been my slant to the site that it be a guy site rather than a men’s site. And those are the kinds of visitors the site is getting. Guys that talk like guys. I guess I’ve found a certain commonness, basicness and honesty in the word guy rather than the word man.
For the most part I’m concluding that you, the visitors to Orgasmic Guy are less interested in philosophizing about male sexuality and what guys think about male sexuality than you are interested in what other guys do. At least that’s what the stats tell me. And I’m inclined to think that’s true. When I talk to guys in person, as painful as it is to be blunt and ask, guys eventually hint and dance about the conversation till they’re hearing what other guys do in their sexuality. I think that’s perfectly normal. Guys want to know that they’re like all other guys when it comes to their male sexuality and male sexual fulfillment.
There you are. You’re an Orgasmic Guy visitor. You got here the same way the other guys got here. Welcome!
Sean
Orgasmic Guy
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It can’t be done.
